Savage Patty is terrified of birds. According to her theory, they exist to peck at your juicy eyeballs. She’s not sure how her fear of feathered fowl first took flight, but it’s likely that watching Hitchcock’s The Birds at an impressionable age didn’t help. Quick tip? Don’t invite Savage Patty to join you at the Bird Sanctuary, even if it’s to see the parrots. Not a good choice for a Savage outing. Patty might be a bit peckish.
Riptide (aka Ted), on the other hand, doesn’t seem terrified of much at all. In fact, he’s drawn to heinous horror films, especially those that involve scantily clad women on tropical islands. Perhaps I should have expected to have monster companions as I stepped into the dark Nani Malalo, Ted and Patty’s amazing home bar. First, I was greeted by the tree suit monster in From Hell it Came, and then there was plenty of chlorophyll blood to gore around while we got dizzy from the special (can I say truly cheesy?) effects of Mad Doctor of Blood Island.
Thankfully, Patty didn’t give me green blood packets for my drink. Quite the contrary, I ended up noshing on an amazing spread of shortribs, spam fried rice, crab rangoon dip, all with a perfectly crafted cocktail. Patty might not be keen on birds, but she’s damn keen on mixology. By the time that Ted had reached his 50th birthday, Patty had made all (yes, every single one) of the drinks in Beachbum Berry’s version one of the Total Tiki app. In the span of a few years, Patty had procured all the exotic ingredients and mixed up close to 200 different cocktails.
Riptide didn’t force me to recite the oath of green blood either. But, Ted loves his tropical horror so much that there’s an extensive collection of DVDs in a secret spot behind the tiki bar. Riptide’s band – Go!Tsunami – has even used soundbites from the films and named songs after monsters in their surf recordings. Ted has been a lead guitarist for many years, traveling with rock and roll and surf bands and playing at gigs across the states. It’s not unusual to find him combining his love of horror with his music. He’s even dressed up in jumpsuits with hockey masks, sweating out gallons as he drives home a open string riff.
When I asked Riptide to give me his top ten tropical horror movie list, here’s what he shared with me:
- Beast of Blood
- Mad Doctor of Blood Island
- Brides of Blood
- Terror is a Man
- From Hell it Came
- She Gods of Shark Reef
- Voodoo Island
- Attack of the Crab Monsters
- She Demons
Truth is, I learned that there is nothing to be afraid of when you visit Ted and Patty. That is, there’s nothing to fear unless witnessing years of deep love between two amazing people frightens you.
But just in case you’re like me and feeling just a bit frightened of chlorophyll now, here is the original oath that 1969 teenagers took prior to viewing Mad Doctor of Blood Island on the big screen:
I, a living, breathing creature of the cosmic entity, am now ready to enter the realm of those chosen to be allowed to drink of the Mystic Emerald fluids herein offered. I join the Order of Green Blood with an open mind and through this liquid’s powers am now prepared to safely view the unnatural green-blooded ones without fear of contamination. Now, drink your sample of green blood and it is guaranteed that you can never turn into a green-blooded monster.